Fires will Rage

I have so much to do, and I can’t get myself to do anything. I’m so frustrated trying to write this fucking paper on aphasia, and I can’t just write about the disease/disorder, or whatever the fuck you want to call it, but I have to write about it in it’s biological aspect. There is only so much one can say, like it occurs in this part of the brain, this is what it does, and this is what happens, blah. I have written 1,100 words. It needs to be 2,000 +/- 10% so basically 1,800, and I have no more information. I NEED AN A. I have never failed anything, nor have I ever had this much trouble writing ANYTHING. I wrote an 8 page paper on the Salem Witch Trials, and I can’t spit out 2,000 words on aphasia? WTF. And after that I have a whole other list of things to do.  Social Psych presentation Social Psych article review Sociology paper (1500 words)  Theater Review on a play I have not seen yet Math “quiz”  And finally, before I go home this summer, I have to be skinny. My cousin just lost loads of weight (god knows how), and I HAVE to be skinnier than her. I weigh about 133 now. I need to be 115, at the heaviest before July, when I go to the lake. Preferably, I’d like to be 105. grrrrr why is life so fucking frustrating?

for the second time. I really love that movie, it gets so inside my head, and it’s all I can think about recently. Firstly, I want to be a ballerina. I mean, I realize it’s too late to start at this point, but a girl can dream right? I mean, I took ballet for like a year before the studio closed down or something and my mom pulled me from it. Now I’m just like “why mom?! Why would you pull me out of dance? I would have been great, I just know it. Black Swan status.” and she just says ok ha  Secondly, I think I’m going a little insane. I keep getting crazy paranoid when I walk home from work, thinking I see extra shadows and shit when there’s nothing there. Not to mention, the other day at work, I kind of stabbed under my nail with a toothpick type thing and it hurt like a mother fucker, but it was bleeding badly, then I put it under water and when I looked back at it, it wasn’t bleeding. So I was like what the fuck, and I squeezed my finger lightly, no blood. There’s not even any pain. Well, at least my toes aren’t webbing together and my reflections aren’t doing crazy shit. I think I’m going to be ok.  I’m just really excited to get wasted tomorrow night. Ugh it has been far too long…